I could brag that I’ve been meditating nearly everyday since moving to Portland, but, to be honest, I’m not sure I’m doing it right anymore. I generally give myself a pat on the back just for planting my behind on Katy’s zafu pillow since it is not always pleasant. There’s 20-30 minutes of sleep sacrificed for the sake of this practice, not to mention it is really cold in the morning in our new place. I put on a hoodie, a thick robe, and often a knit cap; then, I wrap myself in a warm blanket. If I time things right, I also have a hot half cup of coffee steaming under my nose and warming my soul. Then, I spend at least 90% of my time bugging out about all sorts of things in my life. Mediation can be sort of scary in this respect. Most of us, at some time or another, feels a little crazy, but, taking time to truly look at one’s mind, there is seen the full length, width, and depth of that craziness. My mind infallibly goes a million different directions at once, grappling with all sorts of perceived problems.
So, you might wonder, what keeps me coming back to this cold, sleep deprived, insanity? Inevitably, usually around the time my leg starts to fall asleep, I am wrapped in a calm in which I can only describe as love with no center. If I’m lucky, it lasts for a minute before my mind clicks back into gear. In this time I give thanks with the most authentic of gratitude and pray for the health and prosperity of my family and friends.
In a way it is the opposite of medication. Mary Poppins said a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. I think that with Meditation, it’s in the spoonful of craziness that we find a place to calm down.
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